More Sh*t, some news, and art.
Hello, everybody! Another long time no see, but there's a reason for it. Again.
So, I got a new psychiatrist recently, and guess what: I have Bipolar Disorder #2, which means I suffer from mood swings usually ending in bits of pure RANCOUR. So, that's the reason I'm so ANGRY all the time! Luckily, I was able to get meds for it, though I still have nothing for the anxiety and the depression. The PTSD is still kicking my ass, but, one problem at a time.
So, not so good news;
Our neighbors, for whatever reason, are dicks, and won't stop harassing us. They've called in "complaints" about our house twice now.even though we've been in that stupid neighborhood for over 10 years. Not going to get into the details because the circumstances that led to this only leaves me wanting to bellow with pure fury, screaming at those who caused these problems in the first place that could have easily been avoided if the 4 people I live with weren't huge women-children, while simultaneously beating them unconscious with The Wife's Facefucker (an aluminum bat she keeps next to her BB gun). The problem is, I can't GET mad at them. They're ill as well, and can't help it, so I'm stuck in a head-spin of a cyclone of having to hold back the ire because NOBODY in that house can do the minimalist of necessities. It's physically exhausting, let me tell you.
However, there is an up side to this pile of hot, steaming shit that was just POURED into our laps.
I am going to get us a new home somehow, away from all the BS and people who hate us and don't even know us, and it looks like it is actually possible, thanks to getting credit when I didn't want it, going into debt that took away at least 4 years of my life and still counting, and building up said credit after it plummeted down after an unfortunate incident over 16 years ago. We're hoping to be in a better place in the next few months.
Which brings me to the next point of this journal entry.
I am looking to start drawing again, once things get a little settled, and I am going to need you guys' help. My brain is frying, atrophying, turning into mush because all that goes on in there is pure poison for the mind. Stress, it's a killer, sir!
When the time comes, I am hoping you all can give me some ideas for drawings. That's right, I will be taking requests soon, free of charge! There will be limited slots, though, I still have to work, and that takes up 50% of my time, leaving very little for sleep and actual relaxation. Or anything else, for that matter... XC
BUT, hopefully, I'll have more time in the future, and I plan on using it well.
Thank you all for letting me rant. I love you all!
So THAT'S What The Problem Is...
Earlier this year, after decades of being forced to neglect my health, I finally managed to see some doctors. Physically, I am fine, right as rain, almost entirely healthy. Mentally, however, imagine my surprise.
As it turns out, she was right... I'm actually pretty sick.
According to my therapist, I suffer from severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
PTSfuckingD.
Turns out being belittled, talked down to, overworked, misunderstood, purposefully ignored, humiliated, yelled at, disapproved of because of everything you are and neglected your whole life and finally watching your mother slowly wither away, abandoned while dying of cancer and taking care of her for years until her death isn't exactly the best thing for your mentality, especially when you're expected to keep your mouth shut for the entirety of your existence.
Over the past couple of years, I'd been running on fumes with absolutely no idea. I thought this was just how you were supposed to be in your natural state, and the engine finally broke down. The depression I could live with, but not the anxiety or PTSD. Everything is absolute torture and mind-numbingly petrifying. You worry over nothing, you can barely concentrate, you're jittery, restless, you can't control your spiraling into the abyss.
That was not bullshit in the slightest.
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't see, I couldn't MOVE.
My entire body and everything in it just... shut down. Everything kept going in and out of focus, I could barely respond to the wife and mother-in-law. They had to take me to the hospital. If I had not had insurance, I'm pretty sure I would have had a heart attack.
I can't look at past messages without feeling my chest constrict and my heart pound in my chest and ears. I'm sorry if I don't respond to your messages, everyone, at least the past ones. It's not as simple for me as it used to be. Hell, even now as I'm writing this journal, I want to die, cry, and run all at the same time.
Luckily, work's over in a few minutes, so I'll be able to go home soon, yay!I'm going to try and be a bit more active here on DA again.
Tumblr sucks now. XD
Stability is stable for now, and I'm doing what I can to get better.
Baby steps, me.
Baby steps.
STILL ALIVE!!*
Hello, all! Long time no pester!
It's been a while, yes, almost exactly one year since I last came on here. Funny how that happens to me...
But I digress.
It's been a hell of a ride these last few years. I've moved across the country, trying to find someplace where I can find peace and tranquility, but it was becoming painfully obvious that that was not going to happen. The slump, pain, and turmoil of my very being and existence was too much to bear, so much so that every waking moment was haunted by the sheer terror and fear of potentially being condemned to living life in the gutter somewhere, tired, paranoid, constantly hungry and roaming back and forth in the sewage and shit-piled realms as an outcast of society.
Being homeless sucks, man!
A decision was made to come back to California (which I think I mentioned a while ago, though I honestly can't remember).
"I never look back darling, it distracts from the now", to quote Edna Mode from The Incredibles, though of course, it's important to remember the past, lest one be doomed to repeat mistakes once made.
Where was I?
Oh yes, my being "back"!
I've decided to give dA another try.
Posting art here was easy and direct, and the love was real. I compete with too much crap on other media, and let's face it: Crap amongst crap is just that; CRAP.
I've read up on some of the comments you guys left, and I was honestly moved to tears.
I can't remember the last time friends (outside of home, that is,) and perfect strangers showed such kindness and admiration for the unoriginal scribblings I like to call my "art". I cannot thank you all enough. I'm hoping to be able to catch up with comments and post more art that I've made soon!
Life has been getting more or less in order over the years now that I'm back home.
I got a steady full-time job that came with a (FREE) laptop, good pay, insurance (which I've never actually had), doctors for both physical and mental health (apparently I'm a bit on the crazy side, who knew, right??) and a place to hang my hat and take care of my daily needs (HA! Potty humor LOL). I haven't felt safe and at home since...
O_o............................
Holy crap, since the early 2000s?
Has it been that long??
My GOD, that's depressing...
Still, the point is, life is slowly, slowly, SLOWLY finally getting a bit better, though a lot of stress has come with it and as a result, I haven't had a chance to draw much of anything. I'm hoping to change that soon, however. I've had a lot of brainstorming over the last week or so, and I actually had the mental capacity to freakin' write shit down.
Bear with me, guys, I hope I can get back to the swing of things I had going for me back in 2004-2008.
For the time being, however, I must sign off.
I got work in the morning, babysitting a bunch of dumb bitches who don't know how to read! Like I should talk, I barely know how the company works myself.
Anyway, thank you all for taking the time to read my journal entry.
Here's hoping I can start responding to your comments again and posting some art.
Toodles!
Late Update (holy crap this is overdue)
It's time for an update on what I've been up to, and where I'm going.
First of all, a belated thank you to everyone who remembered my birthday last year:
nomyai, poltaije, DoomBerry83, VectorWomanDRNE-Soul, CottonCatTailToony, CathieArt, FlyingRam, and last but not least, GrandMasterFDC. Again, I am so sorry it took me so long to respond to such warm and thoughtful wishes, but life has been rough and tumbly as of late, with rocky roads still ahead. Now I want some ice cream... o _o
Anywhore, other than that, a quick heads up to anyone who still wonders about me and my art. I am very obviously not as active as I once was on this site, so I'm letting you all know where you can follow me and my not-so-active- hijinx: Tumblr!
spoopty23.tumblr.com/
I've been able to more or less get established on Tumblr, and have posted a bit more art on there. Here's your chance to follow me and learn my rather unwanted political and moral views. XD
I know the place reeks of idiotic drama but it's way more active for me than deviantArt has been for many, many years.
Still, I want to thank everyone here for the lovely ride through some very hard times in my life. Your love and support of me through all of it is what has kept me going all these years, and I hope I can still see all of you for years to come, only mostly on Tumblr. XD
Thanks again, ttyl, ttfn!
-Spoopty23, aka Angel. <3
Thirty years young. Yeah right. XD
I'm no longer considered a girl, technically, but now qualify as a woman, entirely. It was pretty hard yesterday...
I got passed for a promotion for a full time position at one of my jobs yesterday after my boss got me all pumped and believing that I was perfect for the job. I had to work all day, and I was a hormonal wreck because of the monthly curse. I was pretty much at an all time low turning thirty...
However, I feel much better about it.
I'm a grown-ass woman now, I can do whatever the hell I want, and even though I can't technically afford to do the things I want, at least I know I "can". Luckily Livi has employment now so I don't have to support her and myself on a low income while still paying all my bills. Here's hoping I can get a chance to relax and draw again.
Also, a huge thanks to everyone who remembered me today!
I love you, honey! 
Thank you for the cake, dear! 
Thank you for thinking of me! AHHH! 
I appreciate it so much, thank you!
Gracias, cariño! I love you! 
Thank you, papa, I love you so much! 
Sweetie, thanks for remembering me! 
I love your new icon, I love you, thank you! 
Thank you so much for the cake! 
Thank you for all the cakes, dear! 
Thanks, sweetie! I will! 
Thank you for the lovely balloons! 
Holy crap, you just made my day with that, thank you so much! 
Whee, thank you! 
EEEE more cake! Thank you, honey! 